Monday, March 12, 2012

Scandals, Quotes, and Character * The Real Newt Gingrich

Newt Gingrich's Skeleton Closet: Scandals, Quotes, and Character

Newt Gingrich is smarter than you. Don't feel bad, he's smarter than the rest of us, too. Just ask him. Or look at what he's done.
Repeated adultery with younger women, while each successive wife was seriously ill. Attacking mortgage lender Freddie Mac, while secretly getting paid $1.6 million as a lobbyist for them. A half-million charge account at Tiffany's Jewelers for his latest, youngest woman (that we know of). Attacking Congress for gridlock, when he personally led the destruction of Congress' civility and traditions in the 1980s as a "bomb-thrower" and evil genius tactician. (Seriously, look it up.)

All this for 30 years running, and he's still a leading contender for President as a religious, morally crusading Republican? Yeah, he's smarter alright. As an historian, he knows Americans forget anything over 5 years old, and the press will ignore your long-term character traits if you give them any new, shiny story to report.

It's not that Newt lacks charm. My personal favorite thing is that he loves, loves, LOVES dinosaurs, with the deep enthusiasm of a five-year-old boy. He even gave a zoo $15,000 to buy 2 huge monitor lizards. For that matter, did you notice how many of his "visionary" scientific ideas involve lasers and outer space and huge explosions?
A MOON BASE?!?! AWESOME!!! That's adorable. The problem is, most five year olds have a sincere narcissism that would lead them to happily order far-off cities destroyed if they got some candy in return. That's why we don't put them in charge of the world.

I've researched a lot of polticians' scandals over the years. Some are lying, adulterious lechers (Clinton). Some are money-grubbing and corrupt (Santorum). Some are vindictive and dangerously authoritarian (Giuliani). Some are incredibly phony and change with the wind (Romney). Some are draft dodgers (actually, most of them are). But in 17 years, only one man has been able to combine every one of these moral failings into one, super-humanly despicable candidate: Newt Gingrich. Click on the allegation of your choice:

Adultery -- Draft Dodger -- Lying Corporate Lobbyist -- Spending Spree at Tiffany's -- Who Owns Him? -- Divorce, Disease and Younger Women -- Dead-Beat Dad -- House Banking Scandal -- Wannabe Dictator -- GOPAC sleaze -- Corporate $ to Newt's wife -- Shady Book Deals -- Sources -- Quotes

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